Monstrously underwhelming movie monsters

When it comes to horror movie monsters, we’ve seen some truly fantastic creature designs from John Carpenter’s The Thing, to the exceptionally goofy-looking in Clive Barker’s Rawhead Rex. As if the title didn’t sound bizarre enough. It’s fair to say however that sometimes, less is more, and when it comes down to movie monsters the less seen the spookier. Because let’s face it, it’s hard to be spooked by a man in a flimsy costume, or yet another dated toothy CG skull monster. In the case of these five underwhelming creatures from the dark, the reveal of the big bad can be terrifyingly terrible, or otherwise unyieldingly underwhelming…

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1 – The Blair Witch – Blair Witch

The strength of the first Blair Witch Project was in the way the fabled witch remained elusive and unconfirmed, shrouded in mystery and, well… in the creepy foliage of a purportedly never-ending forest. The myth is drip fed to us and the ill-fated film makers through stories and hearsay picked up during the film’s opening, creating a feeling of unease and paranoia later in the film when strange happenings gradually take effect. Yet there is a lingering sense of doubt as to whether the rude entity rustling tents, messing with campfires, and leaving creepy stick insignia dangling from trees is a legitimate ghoulish witch, or just a half-crazed forest dweller copying the events detailed in local myth. Even during the infamous climax in the shack hidden deep in the forest, neither the sight of a cauldron or ghastly apparition is seen to confirm or dissuade the existence of the witch. Just Mike hanging out in the corner of a dingy room before “something” hits Heather from behind…

Skipping over the abhorrent mess that is 2000s Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (an unfathomable disappointment to put it lightly) to the 2016 Blair Witch – a true follow up to the cult classic and an underrated sequel if ever there was one – and we find ourselves face-to-camera with the titular witch. For the most part, it follows a similar structure and premise as the first film, with a group of college students and their local guides attempting to uncover the mystery surrounding the disappearance of Heather from the Black Hills Forest years ago. The buildup throughout the course of the film is adequately intense and jarringly unnerving, recreating familiar Blair Witch signature spooks. But while the unapologetically supernatural, paradoxical elements that take over the latter part of the film are successful in their own ways, the suspense of the unknown that the first film so brilliant toyed with is lacking. That and the witch’s reveal, showing a creature that could belong in just about any supernatural horror with a generic, elongated, skeletal ghoul. 

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2 – Toby – Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

A little like the Blair Witch, Paranormal Activity hinged on the invisible foe lurking in the background, seen through uncovered found footage. While the supernatural is ironically plain to see, despite the invisible nature of the cursed predator, we can’t put a face to our entity which makes it all the more creepy. The tension of the first film hindered around the new young residents of a San Diego home, revealing through the use of a Ouija board and a demonologist that an angsty entity known as Toby has taken an interest in the psychologically scarred Katie and her sceptical partner, Micah. As disappointing sequels follow disappointing sequels, we learn more about Katie’s connection to Toby and catch our first glimpse of the generic, predominantly skull-featured ghoul in the franchises sixth instalment, The Ghost Dimension. As if the cheap appearance of our apparition wasn’t enough, it takes cues from the likes of Insidious by leading our shaken final girl Emily through to the titular Ghost Dimension. 

While yes, it is creepy, there is still something anti-climactic about the final chapter of this haunted flick. The pools of whirling smoke and dust that tie to otherworldly dimensional rifts, black shadows, and bizarre corridors that appear on the walls of a child’s bedroom undo the deep sense of mystery, paranoia and anxiety of the invisible foe from the first entry. Perhaps this is a sign that it’s time to let Katie and Toby rest in peace…?

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3 – Pennywise spider form – It (1990)

1990s It hasn’t aged particularly well, and this is likely why the “final form” of the iconic clown killer is so underwhelming. The climax of Stephen King’s seminal doorstopper of a book sees the Loser’s Club take the fight to their tormentor in the comfort of Derry’s underground sewer network. Unlike the cinematic adaptations, the majority of this showdown hinges on Bill locked in a psychic duel with the cosmic, shape shifting Lovecraftian horror that took his brother’s life during the opening chapter. It’s a climax that simultaneously elevates “It” to unfathomable heights of power and cosmic terror, without losing any integrity because of the lofty scope. In the physical plane, It appears as a monstrous spider-like creature that towers above them and lays eggs – which would presumably hatch into mini-Pennywise’s – while reminding us that it’s true form is incomprehensible to the human mind. It’s an uncomfortable reality to face and one that undoubtedly doesn’t translate well to the big screen.

In the 1990 It adaptation, sadly the limited effects employed only served to lessen the impact of the monstrous space freak described by King. What we’re left with is an inferior Harryhausen-esque creature that’s as underwhelming as it is unrealistic, at the end of an otherwise underwhelming and poorly dated adaptation.

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4 – The Monster – The Monster

2016s aptly titled The Monster primarily focuses, contrary to its title, on the strained relationship between an alcoholic abusive mother Kathy and her 10-year-old daughter Lizzy. On their way to drop Lizzy at her father’s house to take his turn for custody, the two are attacked by a creature along a dark forest road, while flashback sequences explore their troubled relationship, as though presenting the “Monster” as a manifestation of their problematic history. Narratively, while these flashbacks flesh out their backstory, the limitations imposed by the two characters being trapped on a dark road surrounded by a dense forest is successfully atmospheric and creates an unnerving sense of dread, reminding us constantly that there is a lurking, hungry predator hidden in the shadows on the prowl outside their stranded car…

However, when it does make its appearance, the creeping beastie leaves a lot to be desired. In many ways it wants to be reminiscent of the Xenomorph appearance in Ridley Scott’s Alien; making few appearances and keeping largely to dark ventilation shafts – or in this case dense foliage – to create an air of mystery and suspense. However in practice, it falls short in similar ways to Tom Hardy’s Venom; visually the film is too dark and the creature gets lost in each scene even when it’s up close, making it too hard to see to make those shots count. For all the narrative buildup and anxiety inducing moments throughout, when we do catch glimpses of the beast, it’s fanged, impossibly dark, and immersion breaking as you would expect when confronted with a despairingly silly creature that’s blatantly a man in a suit, or one overly reliant on CG.

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5 – Dr. “Tyrant” Isaacs – Resident Evil: Extinction

It’s generally agreed that the Resident Evil film franchise is more or less a bastardisation of one of the most influential horror franchises in gaming. While the first instalment holds some merit as an enjoyable flick, the series declined in quality the longer it went on, with shoehorned characters from the games making appearances to remind OG survivors of the Spencer Mansion that “it’s like that game series you all love so much!” Of course there are plenty of brain dead hordes roaming for Alice to slice-and-dice her way through, with haphazardly thrown-in Lickers among other freakish mutants, but it’s the build up to the final confrontation between a mutated Dr. Isaacs and Alice that trumps the lot. 

Dr. Isaacs was notably a key antagonist for Alice for his role in creating the Nemesis program (also worthy of a mention on this list…) and conducting experiments on Alice herself, effectively making her a super-powered badass capable of not only killing zombified mutants, but also any scary tone and sense of desperate survival atmosphere the games are known for. Naturally being an evil-doer in the field of bio-weapon experiments, he becomes infected after receiving a bite from his own creation, an Enhanced Zombie, and taking large quantities of an Anti-virus, leading to the continued deterioration of his condition. In the first game, the Tyrant served as the final boss fight, as a hulking mass that took a rocket-launcher to kill off. The build up to the encounter was intense and the power of the creature created a sense of dread – recreated in the Resident Evil 2 Remake. Isaacs’ transformation into the “Tyrant” however is disappointing to say the least. It comes across as an excuse to clad Iain Glen in disfiguring makeup and obvious CG, with a few cheesy lines of dialogue to remind us that he’s a mad scientist, and that the writers just wanted to include a monster from the games for the sake of it. Like the poor treatment of Nemesis in the second film, this rendition of the Tyrant continues to provoke lamenting grunts and moans from audiences, echoing the melancholy sounds of despair and misery of forever-starving zombies…